Lonely Parade

Last night I had a nightmare that my boyfriend was cheating on me. When I confronted him he had no remorse. In fact, he said matter-of-factly that he thought that we were both attractive, we being this other woman and I. That was his excuse. I was floored. I was hurt. I felt all those emotions one feels when he/she has been betrayed. I screamed at him that that was no excuse, but I might as well have been screaming at my computer monitor because I got no emotional response back. I eventually ran off flustered and teary-eyed. He didn't run after me.

After running and then walking for what seemed an eternity I came upon a crowd of people rehearsing for a talent show. They were all dressed in loud costumes being loud and gyrating up and down the catwalk. They moved around me like a riptide: sucking me in.

I was in no mood to perform. I could barely see through my salted contacts. My feet hurt. My heart hurt.

I felt not an inkling of compansion from the performers, just a steady tug to take the stage.

As the line to the stage chugged along the current moved me forward around the stage and up the steps. Like an ax swinging down I eventually found myself in the center of the stage with my hands crookedly arched in front of me. A cast in green danced and sang twirling about me.

I crumpled into a ball and felt the gravity of my loss and even admidst all those people I felt truly alone and helpless.