It's been a while, I know. I have been dreaming so vividly for the past few days that I don't feel like I am getting enough rest. I wake up tired and wondering why my neck hurts so freaking much. Night after night I have been chased, lassoed, yelled at, poked, grabbed... basically, people, someone is hunting me in my dreams! I am sitting here looking at the computer glassy-eyed because I am exhausted and sore. What does all this mean? I have some wierd psychological crap that is trying to work itself out in the only time I have time for it: in my sleep. Somehow the mind and body finds its own special way to synchronize.
Here is the rundown of reoccurring characters:
Dad
Adrian (my brother)
Sarah (my sister)
Mom
Anthony
Samantha (my cousin)
People who want to humiliate me
People who want to physically hurt me
Dogs
Important plants:
Succulants
Yucca
Rolling green lawns
Pine trees
Places:
Other people's property
Luxurious mansions
Dirty apartments
The great outdoors: Cliffs and Mountains
Personal Actions:
Running
Climbing
Falling
Some more running
I have been interpretting the hell out of all this. This is personal and bizarre the way my mind and heart confront me. It is like getting intimate with myself whether I want to or not. This sounds like crazy talk, but it is not. My intuition is flooding my neurons. I am standing here wanting something in this mess to be structured and linear, but its like a philosophy course deconstructing everything I thought I already knew. Stability is like an M.C. Escher drawing: it is difficult to discern where it begins and ends. The saga of my dreamworld is both brother and sister to those drawings.
My cortisol levels are high and I am living in two realms at once delivering anticipation and anxiety, but I'll be fine... I'll be fine...
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1 comment:
Wow, Maybe, I'm glad I can't recall my dreams. I know I often awake feeling all the exhaustion you speak of, along with the stiffness of a 59 year-old body that has not been well exercised and therefor groans with any muscle movement. My days are filled with the anxiety of your nights as I try to prepare my class for the unending assessments by which my teaching is evaluated. Now that is just wrong and stressful, especially when many of my dear charges do not have the maturity to take the responsibility for their own learning. I need some inner peace.
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