This Light Bends

Internally, all day long I talk to myself. I am my very own therapist. I say, "Paloma, what will bring you happiness and relief today?" I adjust my back and sit up straighter, take a look at the apple resting on my desk, and find strength in my heart to do the "right thing". I list what I want to accomplish and what I want. Resting my eyes on the words helps me visualize what "will" happen, not what "might" happen. A calm washes over me. I am deeply loved and I can feel it.

I have had to do a great deal of letting go this year and it has been rough, but I understand that this is the process of life: letting go in order to make room for the new. I was starting to turn into a robot, but now I am feeling intensely again. This adjustment is positive even when I am crying. Tears can be cleansing when they don't come from hysteria, rather they have become evidence of coming to terms with my place in this world. What I want and what I need is unfolding to me. My grip is loosening because now I just know instead of questioning why good things are happening. I am grateful. I am grateful to be alive.