Metal Mood

They were lined up out back pacing with needles propped in their hands. Quick tugs on the rubber bands around their chubby arms, the prick, and then the plunge of skinny metal into their veins. I watched the rotund mannish women's eyes roll back into their heads in unison and I cringed. I tried to look away to the palm trees piercing the plumes of smokey clouds in the night sky. All I could think was "Los Angeles".

I closed my eyes as the wind kissed my cheeks. When my eyes sprung open again I saw my aunt talking about dying as she was living. Apparently, her last hospital visit tipped over her usual confidence and she couldn't help but wonder when her last hand would be dealt. This made me sad and so I left without a response.

In the room that followed my friend was sitting on a bench and beckoned me to sit beside him. Something made me hesitate or rather someone else's voice made me turn around. My old roommate was standing a few feet away. My stomach lurched. I blinked and she was still there, so I said her name and even though my feelings were not clear I apologized to her. She tried to force a smile. I tried to as well. She began to talk in order to fill in the gap of silence that lived between us. I wished for ear plugs.

She yammered on and I tuned her out and focused on my sense of smell. I smelled Europe: the mixture of time, diesel, cheese, cappuccino, and aged water. As the shadows stretched the scents were sent more body. I breathed in and coughed. Soon I was strolling alongside a canal and pondering the nuances of communication through silence.

By myself into the unknown I felt trepidation and exhilaration. Outside of my dream realm I still feel this way and often wonder "What is a life well lived? Should apologies, drugs, and the concept of death come together in one night? Should they penetrate so deep that the heart has no option, but to pump faster?".

Man of My Dreams

In the library we met. You were handsome and brooding. Your face was like a child's, but sexy. I leaned in closer for a better look and you kissed me with lips only a dream could provide. Feelings of giddiness bounced back into me. I fell in love that moment and you smiled at me. You were golden and I was light. Moments passed and then she tapped me on my shoulder.

"Paloma? Paloma, I am not sure whether they told you or not, but your librarian test is tomorrow."

My librairian test is tomorrow? I'm a librarian? When did this happen?

My beautiful friends gathered around me and slyly dumped pens covered in answers in front of me and whispered, "Write these down and memorize them." I started writing in secret.

My father appeared and told me get my things together and come home with him. Everything went blurry except you. You I could look at forever. I could forget the answers to tests, that I need to eat, and even what my name is. With you I felt blissful.

I woke up this morning early and you became a figment of my imagination. You became the man that I will only know in my dreams. I could be sad, but today I still feel in love. Even if you don't exist in reality at least you do in my dreams.