We Can Go

The dreams are still spinning on couches and the bed in my birth room. In them my bags are packed, but my heart is not. It still is confused and excited. The trip beckons with bright lights illuminating oceans views, ancient architecture, fine art, delicious food, and laughing comrades. In these slumbers beauty dances with anxiety. Will the world and it's gorgeous mutations inspire and distract me long enough to heal and be polished into a gorgeous stone? I'm still here rough and needing a bit of tumbling somewhere new and old at the same time. My other self "The Traveller" commands me now.

Be Patient While He Hurts Me

"Be patient", she said and let him rob me of my self-worth, again?! I'm starting to believe that there is no use in trying anymore. I give up! I'll let go and let my body float down stream alone weaving side to side without a direction. I'm lost and I'm hurt... so deeply hurt. I'm tired of feeling this way.

Just There and Maybe Here

I saw you and you in my dream last night. We argued. We hurt each other's feelings. I woke up in the middle of the night and despite other people sleeping soundly in the house I couldn't shake my lonely feeling. I walked to the bathroom in a sickened state: rushing and lumbering at the same time. My insides felt like they were being yanked out and I knew (even then) that my emotions were to blame.

From one moment to the next my coping abilities change from warrior to fallen soldier and back again. What IS happens to be the result of choices I make. I can either dwell on circumstances I can't alter now or try to be positive and resilient. It's tough not falling back into negative patterns of behavior and thinking, but I must. Sometimes I wish that there was someone special to hold my hand and kiss my cheek and say, "Paloma, you are awesome! I love you and I will be here whenever you need me."