Hole in My Shoe

I am not enjoying this feeling. It reminds me of having a hole in my shoe when it rains. The water seeps in and makes my feet cold and clammy. The only way to make them feel better is to take my shoes and socks off, wash my feet and put on dry socks. Unfortunately, I am having a difficult time washing this feeling away. It tugs at me and I am unable to eat. I try to fill a room with words as a distraction, but it is just sitting here watching me and waiting until I am all alone with my thoughts. In the late hours while I should be sleeping I lie awake with my eyes closed: thinking. Sadly nonsensical flashes of insight flicker and fade as I escape into my haunting dream world. I remember seeing my mom in the distance and trying to get her attention as her visage went blurry and I tragically succumbed to blindness. I could sense she was still there, but her responses sounded like they were under water. Her words were barely bubbling to the surface when I went deaf. My body quickly went numb. I died.

When I woke up this morning my left arm was numb and I suffered that twisted moment of discovering that my pain is real. I am suffering loss and there is no way to get around it. Not even my friends' and family's hugs can shield me from what I am feeling deep inside.