Kneading Me

Sometimes what I fear most comes to haunt me in my dreams.

I have been analyzing my dreams for years: dissecting them like insects in biology class. My rawness has been exposed and taken apart never to return to normalcy, again. This year, 2008, has been a rather tough one as my heart has been torn out, mended, and then torn out again. I wonder if 2009 will be any different...

Last night I dreamt that I was out at a park with my mom and a Hurricane Katrina family. We walked from grass to pavement and sat down on a concrete rim around a fountain and stared off into the chilly air. As the wind hurled past my ears I heard familiar cries and looked down to discover two glossy black cats crawling and purring all over my mother. This became a lucid moment in my dream in which the image of my mother and these two felines became symbols translating into my lover having an affair with two women.

What do I make of this when I wake up and I am single? Is this just a notice that someone I trust is deceiving me? Am I just deceiving myself? Are my fears pouncing and purring all over me? Are they kneading me and mocking me at my most vulnerable time?