Why I Don't Normally Talk to Random People at Work

I am minding my own business cooking lentils in the tiny kitchen at my work when some random guy that I work with strikes up a conversation with me.

GUY: So, you're staring at the coffee pot? (chuckles)

ME: No, I'm looking at the microwave because I am cooking lentils.

GUY: Uh, you look different. Didn't you used to have brown hair?... Now it's black. Are you Goth?

ME: No, just because I have black hair does not mean that I Goth.

GUY: Let me see your nails.

I turn my back to him and roll my eyes.

ME: I just told you that I am not Goth. Now you are offending me.

GUY: What's that you are eating?

ME: Lentils.

GUY: Oh, that looks different than the lentils I eat. Usually, mine are cut in half.

ME: (Does this guy even know what lentils are?)

GUY: You know that you could paint your face white and paint your lips red?

ME: OK, you can stop now. How many times do I have to tell you that I am not Goth?

I walk past him out the door towards my office. He follows me.

GUY: Your hair looks good like that. Oh, and that soup looks good, too.

Douchebag!