So, this morning I woke up at 3:00 am and could not fall back asleep. Perhaps it was the disturbing nightmare I had about my hair falling out at the crown of my head. My royal mane had committed suicide because I was too stressed. Stress is not even a big enough word to explain the trauma I have been going through in my head lately. I have reverted back to thinking that I deserve to be punished.
Yeah, take away my beauty! I deserve it.
Yeah, give me some life-threatening disease! I deserve it.
Yeah, be convinced the world hates me!
No, no, no!
STOP!
At 3:00 am this madness finally came to a screeching hault. I got out of bed, peed, drank a glass of water, unrolled my mat, placed my traction wedge on the mat, turned on my space heater, pulled my crochetted blanket off of my bed and set my alarm. I did my traction and my back, leg and neck stretches. At 4:00 am I returned to my bed with less self-hatred. I rubbed my feet and hands with sweet lotion and finally fell back asleep to yet another haunting nightmare of earthquakes and people standing in the shadows near my bed.
Today I have decided to be kind to myself. I am writing again and treating my body better with stretches, healthy food, and good posture.
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