No Turning Back

I was working too much, so we had an understanding. He could surround himself with women to stroke his ego when I was too busy to do it myself. I thought I was a liberal and free woman when I left him in the bedroom I was born in with two silly girls. They were watching some lame show I didn't feel like watching, so I walked down the hall and into the kitchen.

There were adults and children chatting and playing when I arrived. I sat down in a chair and two ladies sat down beside me and struck up a conversation. They were sisters. One was a lesbian and the other was bisexual. I'm straight. They told me how pretty they thought my hair was. I started to feel uncomfortable, so they changed the subject to their childhoods. Apparently, their father was a zookeeper, so they both grew up in a zoo. The sisters vividly described the animals they considered family and I could see those animals bowing before me with each introduction. After awhile I tired of their stories and started thinking of my boyfriend.

I got up and walked back down the hallway. One of the girls was chatting with someone outside the bedroom and the door was closed. I heard giggling within. Jealousy began to burn within me.

I opened the door white-knuckled. The room smelled of marijuana and sweat. The first thing I saw was clothing on the floor and then the two of them cuddled up in my bed. I ripped the stringy blond girl out of the bed and threw her out the door and looked down at my boyfriend and screamed, "Get out!" The blanket was up to his chin and he was smiling at the ceiling and giggling. I shook him and started crying. My stomach started to twist in knots and I started vometing all over myself and him. I couldn't stop. The more angry and sad I became the worse it got. I tried to calm myself with the notion that I would be free and not attached to anyone again. I started making plans in my head of what it would be like to be alone, but it didn't help because all I have ever really wanted is to have my own family. I sat at the edge of the bed hunched over and tried wiping the vomet from my lips. My eyes were raw with salt. The damage had been done and there was no turning back.