Umbrella Science

The words will come if I just sit down here and type and let the thoughts gush out of me as if my fingers were water spouts and my brain the faucet...

As the sun beats down on the pavement outside, I am in here at work counting down the minutes until I leave and plan out the rest of my day, which usually ends in rest if I am lucky. Wish me luck! On second thought, save your wishes for yourself and not for me.

Have you ever thought of scales being more than two-sided? I feel like the scale I am always trying desperately to balance is composed of more than two measly parts. It is more like an umbrella turned up-side-down that is structurally unsound. You know, the kind of umbrella that lets the wind turn it in-side-out and then "decides" to rebound back and splash several cups of rain water on your head. Yeah, that's my scale. Nevertheless, I do experience brief moments of shelter and those moments I cherish.

The weather had better change to sunshine soon or it looks like my head is going to get sopping wet again.

My dreams have been erased from last night and replaced by work and anxiety. This is a slow burn anxiety. I'm no longer fretting over possible cancer, I am worried about how much I am going to miss my boyfriend when he leaves for China in a month. He will be gone for 3-6 weeks missing half of the California summer, our year and a half anniversary, and my 29th birthday. This is a long time to be apart and I know that we are both adults and we will carry on. It is not the end of the world, but he is my best friend and I am going to miss him oh so much. I tell him everything about myself down to what I ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We laugh at each other's gas. We are silly and playful. We have a lot of serious fun together. When we are sad we turn to each other for comfort and when we are angry with one another we work it out. We hug and kiss and the world is new again. That's us. What is it going to be like when we are continents and time zones away from one another?