Today is the day I undergo the procedure to find out whether I have cancer or not. My shoulders are tense and I am eyeing my bottle of Ibuprofin with longing. Before I go in that stuff will be pumping through my veins.
What I am wearing today is oddly significant.
Last night, or rather this morning, I had a dream about the exact same T-shirt that I am wearing. I am at work and it is casual friday. If only I felt casual as opposed to Armani suit uptight. I digress. I was at my cousin Samantha's and she left me alone in a large house with all her Courtney Love-esk roommates who I felt strangely intimidated by. They were all trying to sleep and I was trying to find my clothes, so I could leave at the break of dawn. I picked up my white T-shirt with the metallic tiger face and then I picked up another. Apparently, one of her savage roomies made T-shirts for a living. I heard someone whisper, "Take it... She won't notice". I could feel the other roommate's breath on my right shoulder and the hairs on my back stood up and my hands began to shake as I held the two identical garments. I put the clothing down and then picked them up again, eyed an empty birdcage, and walked out the front door my heart furiously pounding all the while. As the morning sun pierced my eyes I woke up, not at 5:40 am, but at 5:00 am.
Am I trying to take my life back 40 minutes at a time? Am I stealing it back like that T-shirt? Was the presence of my cousin a sign that I am going to stop worrying so much? Only time and test results will tell.
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